My husband did a great talk at the start of January which in a nutshell challenged us to choose a ‘one thing’ to spend our lives on this year. I loved the text from Nehemiah 6:3 “I’m doing a great work, I can’t come down” I was very challenged to determine what my ‘one thing’ would be, my great work that I would not leave this year. Jason had gave me a preview of the talk before Christmas so my usual list of “things I need to work on” was high on my mind, but there literally was ‘one thing’ that kept niggling at me all through Christmas. On the morning of the talk I was hoping that God would highlight something else so I could put off tackling this one for another while.
What is it? My ‘one thing’ for 2013? I want to say less. To speak carefully, truthfully and with words dripping with grace.
I battled for years to find my voice but now that I have it seems like a floodgate has opened and there’s a lot of rubbish flooding out with the gold.
I need to to stop gushing and filling in the silent spaces and saying things that don’t need to be said. Even and somedays especially the stupid things that just clog up the airwaves and make it difficult for others to be heard. I feel sobered. To be honest I feel chastised. Not by anyone in particular, but chastised by myself. I disappoint myself when I say too much. Sometimes its literally just an opinion, or a sentiment or a suggestion too far. I need to park sooner rather than not drive at all. And maybe that’s the difficult part. To be almost completely silent would be easier.
The nonsense flows easily like heavy rain down a spouting. And yet the heavy words, the important words that should and must be spoken literally stick in my throat sometimes. My throat constricts physically and I can’t get them out, more accurately I can now that I’ve learnt to push through the bottleneck and release the words to the air.
I don’t want to just become more calculated in what I say. I wonder could our pursuit to understand the mechanics of communication have made our communication less authentic. Its helpful to increase our skills of listening and understanding, but in trying to say the right thing in the right way we can sound scripted and stunted. But our hearts know the difference don’t they?
I love and hate in equal measures the truth ‘that out of the heart the mouth speaks’ I love it because its true and means that if its authentic communication that I’m after then I allow my heart to speak and that will do the trick. The part I hate is this, the condition of my heart. Aghhh. You see I know my heart. And even though my spirit has been made completely new, at best lets just say my heart is a work in progress. I am only too aware that the words that spill from my mouth, the careless, undisciplined, unkind, unloving, hard, stinging, poisonous words originate from my murky heart. They fight for space and position with the kind, loving, gentle, encouraging, challenging, peaceable words that also flow from my heart.
I conclude my heart should be my focus rather than carefully measuring every word I speak. If I only allow myself to speak the words that I feel others will approve of then they are false. If I concentrate on the condition of my heart then chances are the words that flow will be more pure. Good that I know a great heart surgeon, who’s more than willing to transform my heart when I let Him.