In the tent: I need you

Father I’m in an agitated mood.  I feel irritated and annoyed under the surface.  I wouldn’t call it frustration.  I’m not depressed. But I’m not at peace. I’m not at rest in my soul.  I need you Jesus. Come and still me. But what if part of this is you stirring the waters? What if I’m feeling the stuff in my soul before my head can make sense of it?  I need you Jesus.  I am acutely aware of that. I can’t write, or speak or give away anything without you.  In fact I don’t want to do any of those things, write, speak, give away if it’s not your words and you that I give away. Anything other than you Jesus will always be less. Always.  My best, is tarnished and rusted and poisoned.  You are pure, new; you are LIFE.

Lead me to a place of not just recognising that I need you God but to the place of total surrender, a place of needing you  like a baby again unable to do anything. Total reliance. I’ve become too accustomed at muddling on on my own and getting by,  but in the process I’m becoming weary and the what I’m giving away, what comes out of me,  is so much less than what it could be.  Why would I ever give anyone less than you Jesus?  When I have you to give away, why would I ever give less? Why resort to giving me instead.  Father forgive my self reliance and self-sufficency, nice words for idolatry,  putting me in the place where only you should occupy.

I need you Jesus that’s my prayer today and all this week.

I don’t need you Father as a booster to my life or an added jet pack but I need you entirely and completely – please reveal that to me more clearly. Teach me to depend fully on you.

I need you Jesus. Everyday. Everywhere. Always. Sear this into my mind, brand it on my heart and pierce my soul with this infinite truth

Footnote: This might be the beginning of an ‘in the tent’ series, and part of my prayer journal entries.  This is inspired entirely by a 3-way conversation between a new friend Kristen, me and Jesus.  You know one of those times when the air thickens and stills and it feels like every word is forming and floating in the Spirit filled space between you.  Kristen was telling me her story and she was exhorting (i love that old word)  me to get into the tent just like Joshua did and abide in Jesus.  Exodus 33:7-11
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